Issue 53 – Easter 2016


Diary of a Grate Man

Extracts from the private journal of the Provost, Prof Malcolm Grant

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Howard No Longer Gives You Extra - He’s Dead

Popular banker and novelty human being Howard Brown, most famous for his work with Halifax Bank’s ‘Who Gives You Extra?’ campaign, was found dead in the bank’s Mayfair branch last night. Brown was discovered in what one officer described as a “bloody mess”, hanging from a biro on a chain. The officer went on to confirm that “no one could hear his death throes behind the sound-proof glass of the cashiers’ desk.”

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Bojo Eats Own Hand, Bunting Erected

London Mayor Boris Johnson’s status as a figure of fun was confirmed to many this week as news that he had suffered a mental breakdown and gnawed off his own hand was met with mirth and adulation from the city’s population.

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